# Numbered Days



## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Got some crap news yesterday. 

Picked up my latest CT SCAN report and disc to take to Phoenix Cyberknife tomorrow. 

I got alarmed while I was reading ttrough the medical mumbo jumbo. I took it to a VA doc and asked her to drop it on me in plain English. 

I like VA docs because they have no bedside manner BS. I guess they think Vets are hardass enough to deal with shit cold turkey. 

To make a long story short Phoenix Cyberknife did not get all the lung cancer with radiation. I'm not a good candidate for surgery due to strokes and heart attack. Wouldn't do surgery if I was. 

The VA doc said it's growing. 

I have a appt at Cyberknife tomorrow to see if there's anything else that can be done. 

I'm okay but my wife is going nuts. It tears me up to see her this way.


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## leslie cassian (Jun 3, 2007)

Aw Lee, I'm sorry to hear that. Seems like just when you stagger up from one punch another slams into you again. Keep fighting. We're here in your corner for you.


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## Hunter Allred (Jan 28, 2010)

Man I'm sorry to hear that... keep fighting the good fight! Wish you the best..


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## Howard Knauf (May 10, 2008)

Hang in there Lee. You have lots of chaos to create yet. Prayers for you.

Howard


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Thanks, guys. I'm dealing with it. 

Maybe my wife is going nuts because I have a very pricey bucket list.☺ 

Kidding!

Gotta keep my sense of humor. 

But I am going to do some shit before I getting sicker.


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## Brian McQuain (Oct 21, 2009)

Whats on the list?


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Brian McQuain said:


> Whats on the list?


Travel

I want to return to the jungle where I lived off the grid, then the little Costa Rica mountain Pueblo where I was when I had to return to the US because of larynx cancer, then the Big Island of Hawaii where I vacationed once. Then Yosemite, Death Valley and the northern Cal coastal road. All places where I spent lots of hang out time in earlier years. 

I want to go back to Vietnam to make peace with myself and return to a couple of spots where I lost friends. 


I want to do a few 5 star restaurants in Vegas and then play some craps.

That will just about do it.


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## Nicole Stark (Jul 22, 2009)

That sucks Lee. I'm with Brian, I wanna know what's on your list. If you want some company let me know.  You might want to take me up on some of my "voodoo" ways. In absence of that, I do believe in the power of prayer and healing thoughts. So for those of you who might be inclined to just open Lee's post and don't say shit to him about what he's facing, try and at least keep him in your thoughts.


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

I forgot one huge important thing i need to add to my list. My list was all me, me, me..

That is something I need to do privately. There's a few people I want to thank for the memories and let them know I think about those memories all the time.


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## rick smith (Dec 31, 2010)

went thru this last year Lee

it's always the ones around you who have the hardest time dealing with it and there's not much u can do about that
- except maybe to post some more AWESOME threads //rotflmao//


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

I tried and am trying to be brutally transparent while going through this private ordeal. 

This thread and the "Cancer Again" thread hopefully might help others or their family or friends who are trying to deal with similar medical issues. There has been a few people that got others to investigate cyberknife because of these threads. 

I'm still a believer in Cyberknife treatment. The doctor told me that it's successful most of the time. I just don't seem to do well with radiation. It didn't work with my larynx. The problem this time is last time I was capable of undergoing surgery. Now they say it would be too dangerous. Regardless, even if i survived surgery I won't walk around with a O2 tank the rest of my life. That ain't me. 

Tomorrow will be a major appt.when I find out if anything can be done. I tried, without luck, to keep my wife at home so I can deal with what I hear alone. She is a super tough lady until it comes to family.Then she crumbles. 

I hope everyone understands and respect what I'm trying to do here. 

It's different than most of my stupid threads.


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## Sarah Platts (Jan 12, 2010)

Keep us in mind, we are all backing you up here. I think you have a great travel itinerary planned. Good Luck.


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## David Ruby (Jul 21, 2009)

Hey Lee,

@#$%!

Best wishes for tomorrow. Thanks for keeping us informed.

-Cheers


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## Denise King (May 31, 2009)

I'm with Nicole, I also believe in some voodoo and plan on sending healing energy your way. If you Are of a mind to, be still and let the healing happen!!!

Denise King


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## Bob Scott (Mar 30, 2006)

Lee, I'm rooting for you to get all your bucket list taken care of.

As to your hoping we understand about what your doing in these posts I can only say your one hell of a man in my book!


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## Haz Othman (Mar 25, 2013)

Sending some prayers your way.


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## Nick Hrycaj (Mar 30, 2014)

Having many times been on the family member side of the cancer battle I know, looking back, how important simple memories become. Example- watching my grandpa watch me enjoy playing baseball with my dad 

Lesson, keep being your hard charging self best you can and rest easy knowing those memories of normalcy wil comfort those around you


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## Nancy Jocoy (Apr 19, 2006)

Damn...I sure respect how you have faced this head on and hope that you can make the most out of your bucket list! ............I, too, will send prayers your way.

Here is hoping that tomorrow you get some hope.


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## Tiago Fontes (Apr 17, 2011)

Hey Lee, best wishes. Sending out prayers your way.


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Unbelievable turn of events. I went from wondering how much plane tickets to Oregon (a right to die state) to joy. 

I saw the Phoenix Cyberknife doctor yesterday.with the CT SCAN and report. 

He said the radiologist who did the report obviously never saw a patient treated with Cyberknite before. 

He explained that the cyberknife kill area looks exactly like cancer unless you're used to reading the disc and know what to look for.

To make a long story short so far no new cancer. 

What a relief although I was looking forward to starting on my bucket list. ☺

Next scan is in 2 months and is a different type scan that tell even more. 

Thanks everyone for the prayers and good wishes. They must have worked. Someone seems to be looking over me.


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## David Ruby (Jul 21, 2009)

Lee H Sternberg said:


> He explained that the cyberknife kill area looks exactly like cancer unless you're used to reading the disc and know what to look for.
> 
> To make a long story short so far no new cancer.
> 
> What a relief although I was looking forward to starting on my bucket list. ☺


Very glad to hear that! Personally, I'd still get a start on the bucket list, if only because doing it cancer-free while you have time to enjoy it seems like it would still be a lot of fun and you have more time to add to it if you get through it early. :razz:

Thanks for sharing the good news with us! Take care, and try to not punch the radiologist who misread the initial scan _too hard_ in the nuts (or whatever).

-Cheers


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## Nicole Stark (Jul 22, 2009)

That's awesome Lee!! Some call a bucket list - life, or better said living in the moment. I'm with David, do those things anyway. Truth is, we're all dying, our days are all numbered. Who knows, my number could be up 15 minutes from now.


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

David Ruby said:


> Very glad to hear that! Personally, I'd still get a start on the bucket list, if only because doing it cancer-free while you have time to enjoy it seems like it would still be a lot of fun and you have more time to add to it if you get through it early. :razz:
> 
> Thanks for sharing the good news with us! Take care, and try to not punch the radiologist who misread the initial scan _too hard_ in the nuts (or whatever).
> 
> -Cheers


The cyberknife doctor was calling him to nicely educate him. He said it's a relatively new process and so cutting edge that even people in the medical field don't know or understand it.


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## Mike Di Rago (Jan 9, 2009)

Lee,
Don't know you and wasn't sure what to write before,but now,great news for you and all the best with this second go at the bucket list\\/
Mike


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

If I dared try to load more on that bucket list I won't have to worry about cancer because the old lady will shoot me. LOL


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## David Ruby (Jul 21, 2009)

Lee H Sternberg said:


> If I dared try to load more on that bucket list I won't have to worry about cancer because the old lady will shoot me. LOL


Well, maybe not then. You probably do not want to dodge one bullet only to invite another.

-Cheers


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## Nancy Jocoy (Apr 19, 2006)

Lee H Sternberg said:


> If I dared try to load more on that bucket list I won't have to worry about cancer because the old lady will shoot me. LOL


Sounds like a better way to go 
Glad to hear about the good news


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Nancy Jocoy said:


> Sounds like a better way to go
> Glad to hear about the good news


That ain't no bull, Nancy. Cancer as everyone knows is a slow, painful way to go.


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## susan tuck (Mar 28, 2006)

Just reading this thread.....amazing, Lee...just shaking my head...****ing amazing. You are definitely the Cat's Meow and the Cat in the Hat all rolled into one. 8)


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

susan tuck said:


> Just reading this thread.....amazing, Lee...just shaking my head...****ing amazing. You are definitely the Cat's Meow and the Cat in the Hat all rolled into one. 8)


It was a strange 3 days, Susan. I thought my luck finally ran out. I was actually starting to give my wife instructions about certain things in and around the house in case I forgot instructions 

It's kind of weird thinking you can't plan stuff. For example I was going to add a couple more rose bushes this spring. Then I would catch myself and say why would I do that? It was a lot of crazy stuff like that.


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## rick smith (Dec 31, 2010)

good to hear this Lee

and now i even know what a bucket list is !!
.... living under a rock over here in japan //lol//


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## Tiago Fontes (Apr 17, 2011)

These are great news. Go get your bucket list done... knowing you will prevail and kick the neighbor's ass next Christmas. Yeah, I havent forgot your words...lol 

Truly great news!


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

%%


Tiago Fontes said:


> These are great news. Go get your bucket list done... knowing you will prevail and kick the neighbor's ass next Christmas. Yeah, I havent forgot your words...lol
> 
> Truly great news!


For a while, Tiago, I thought I might have to put those MOFO'S up in June after my kid got discharged. I was worried I might be too sick to do it. 

But, I would have looked out the window and gave him the finger.☺

GOOD MEMORY.


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## Tiago Fontes (Apr 17, 2011)

I want to see some pics next Christmas. Deal?


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Tiago Fontes said:


> I want to see some pics next Christmas. Deal?


 My Marine kid will be home in June. The only reason I never post photos is because I don't know wtf I'm doing.

That all changes in June. 

DEAL


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## Tiago Fontes (Apr 17, 2011)

Cool. Looking forward to it. I hear Idaho is beautiful. The closest I have been was while visiting Yellowstone in 07.


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## Haz Othman (Mar 25, 2013)

Great news..this just made my night.


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## Connie Sutherland (Mar 27, 2006)

Haz Othman said:


> Great news..this just made my night.



Me too!


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## susan tuck (Mar 28, 2006)

Haz Othman said:


> Great news..this just made my night.





Connie Sutherland said:


> Me too!


and me three!



Lee H Sternberg said:


> My Marine kid will be home in June. The only reason I never post photos is because I don't know wtf I'm doing.
> 
> That all changes in June.
> 
> DEAL


And you know us at WDF, we'll hold you to it! Expecting pics of the dogs, the family, Coco Locos ,and everything else!


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## Bob Scott (Mar 30, 2006)

!!!out ******* standing!!!


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## Matt Vandart (Nov 28, 2012)

Dude that is pretty awesome indeed 

Do the bucket list anyway, it's not even a bucket list anymore just do the things you want to do, that is what we are here for!

Having faced my imminent demise too many times in my life and actually had a good go at it once when I bled out and flatlined I have been thinking about death and life alot for the last 21 years. I actually had one of those weird and wacky 'near death experiences' that one sees on the pretend documentary channels on the idiot lantern sometimes.

This dude here has a some good shit to say about it. I am tending to be in agreement with him at this moment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8gR4sQvjt4


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## Meg O'Donovan (Aug 20, 2012)

Lee H Sternberg said:


> My Marine kid will be home in June. The only reason I never post photos is because I don't know wtf I'm doing.
> 
> That all changes in June.
> 
> DEAL


Hope you take him along on your trip to VN. It would be a special gift, I think. I've always wanted my son to see the delta (Rach Gia, Ca Mau, Can Tho, Moc Hoa, Seven Sisters, Parrot's Beak) where his father flew. I think actually being there, at approx the same age, would help him understand things in a deeper way.

Glad you got good news.


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## Meg O'Donovan (Aug 20, 2012)

Matt Vandart said:


> Dude that is pretty awesome indeed
> 
> This dude here has a some good shit to say about it. I am tending to be in agreement with him at this moment:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8gR4sQvjt4


Memento mori, indeed. Thanks for putting up that link.


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## Richard Ramirez (Sep 6, 2011)

Nicole Stark said:


> That sucks Lee. I'm with Brian, I wanna know what's on your list. If you want some company let me know.  You might want to take me up on some of my "voodoo" ways. In absence of that, I do believe in the power of prayer and healing thoughts. So for those of you who might be inclined to just open Lee's post and don't say shit to him about what he's facing, try and at least keep him in your thoughts.


And I thought I had problems.Just remember that God brought you back from Viet Nam,because He had a plan for you. It's not the way we lived that ultimately counts, But how we die.You fought for our country.You are a true warrior.And, I hold you as an example for all to see.I will pray for you and ask God to give you a reprieve.A Viet Nam Veteran '68-'69.


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Richard Ramirez said:


> And I thought I had problems.Just remember that God brought you back from Viet Nam,because He had a plan for you. It's not the way we lived that ultimately counts, But how we die.You fought for our country.You are a true warrior.And, I hold you as an example for all to see.I will pray for you and ask God to give you a reprieve.A Viet Nam Veteran '68-'69.[/QUOTE
> 
> Thanks Richard. It means a lot coming from another Vet. I served USMC 66-67-68-69 MARBLE MOUNTAIN, DA NANG, DONG HA, PHU BAI, KHE SANH, CHU LAI and other holes on the south end of the DMV. ]


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## Bob Scott (Mar 30, 2006)

Khe sanh..............damn!


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## Gillian Schuler (Apr 12, 2008)

Lee

I am so happy to hear the latest news.


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Bob Scott said:


> Khe sanh..............damn!


The funniest story in Vietnam actually took place in Dong Ha. 

The NVA rocketed the base and hit the mess hall building. It was nothing more than a basic pole building.

The first day it was rebuilt they nailed it again that same night. 

There was real tears in the mess Sgt eyes. Everyone was teasing him about crying over that. Anything for a laugh back there.


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## Nancy Jocoy (Apr 19, 2006)

Lee H Sternberg said:


> That ain't no bull, Nancy. Cancer as everyone knows is a slow, painful way to go.


When your time comes....which I hope is a long time from now...... I watched my father die of lung cancer which went to his bones and liver (1 rough year) and my mother die a slow long death (7.5 years) from a massive stroke.

He and i sat on the porch and talked two days before he died. He was in a lot of pain but hospice kept him with lots of good drugs to dull it. Mom, on the other hand was imprisoned in a body that would not cooperate and was incapable of communicating even her simplest wishes and desires...7.5 long years 

I was always scared of cancer until I saw the difference and realized - death sucks - but it may not be as much to fear as some other things. There are things they really can do to help with the end times.

But, please, do your bucket list. Share as much of yourself with family members as you can, and then keep fighting and live a good bit longer!


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## Bob Scott (Mar 30, 2006)

Lee H Sternberg said:


> The funniest story in Vietnam actually took place in Dong Ha.
> 
> The NVA rocketed the base and hit the mess hall building. It was nothing more than a basic pole building.
> 
> ...




I would have cried over the mess hall too. 

Compared to mom's cooking I actually liked Army chow. :-o :lol:


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Bob Scott said:


> I would have cried over the mess hall too.
> 
> Compared to mom's cooking I actually liked Army chow. :-o :lol:


Always ate good in the military even in Vietnam (when you could get to a mess halL). C RATIONS SUCKED. They call them something different nowadays. Maybe they are better.


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## Wayne Scace (Jun 1, 2014)

*Hi Lee,
Don't count yourself out yet. You are so ornery neit b er God, nor Satan want youin theirdomainx cos they don't want the competition...
Hsng in there!
*


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

I mentioned in my bucket list the desire to return to Vietnam for personal reasons 

I got a email from a WDF member who was going to be near that area of Asia who wanted to know how beautiful the country was. 

It brought a smile to my face and made me think back to try to answer that question. 

I never considered it a pretty country when I was there. It was a place that I hated. It was a place that I had tunnel vision. It was a murder zone with everyone trying to kill each other. It felt dark and ugly. 

I never even considered beauty. That's kind of sad because now that I think back it was pretty.

I wonder if other Vets feel the same way from other War Zones? Although I don't imagine there's much beauty in sand storms. ☺


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## Bob Scott (Mar 30, 2006)

Lee H Sternberg said:


> Always ate good in the military even in Vietnam (when you could get to a mess halL). C RATIONS SUCKED. They call them something different nowadays. Maybe they are better.



Probably still looks like canned dog food.


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## kristin tresidder (Oct 23, 2008)

lee - i've followed your posts for many years now, but this is probably my favorite one to date. congratulations on your good news!


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

kristin tresidder said:


> lee - i've followed your posts for many years now, but this is probably my favorite one to date. congratulations on your good news!


You've made me feel like a abuser, Kristin. 

You've been here since 2008 with just a bit over 400 posts.

Heck I probably hit that the first month. Most of them nonsense.☺

Hopefully I have enough life left in me to do a few thousand more. 

The next hurdle comes in 2 months when I do a PET Scan and some O2 breathing test. 

BTW, Kristin is a pretty name.


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## Kadi Thingvall (Jan 22, 2007)

Glad your roller coaster ended on another high note, someone else already said it, you are ornery enough God and the Devil are probably fighting over who has to take you, and until then you'll just stay right here


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## Catherine Gervin (Mar 12, 2012)

Lee H Sternberg said:


> It's different than most of my stupid threads.


so i didn't understand that it was not really bad--only looked bad and caused them to give you bad/worrisome news that didn't actually count at all. i read the first page and thought--oh no--that just is terribly unfair. upon the more thorough reading that i should have done in the first place, i understand that they were just scaring your wife for nothing! glad it was a false alarm!!!!
i think your bucket list sounds excellent, and almost existential when you get to returning to Vietnam. 
my Mother-In-Law asked my husband if he would ever consider going back to Afghanistan to try and make peace with the things that went on there that still trouble him. he said "Well maybe, if they ever find a way to make it less of a shit-hole".


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Catherine Gervin said:


> so i didn't understand that it was not really bad--only looked bad and caused them to give you bad/worrisome news that didn't actually count at all. i read the first page and thought--oh no--that just is terribly unfair. upon the more thorough reading that i should have done in the first place, i understand that they were just scaring your wife for nothing! glad it was a false alarm!!!!
> i think your bucket list sounds excellent, and almost existential when you get to returning to Vietnam.
> my Mother-In-Law asked my husband if he would ever consider going back to Afghanistan to try and make peace with the things that went on there that still trouble him. he said "Well maybe, if they ever find a way to make it less of a shit-hole".


There was more than one issue going on with the inaccurate diagnosis.

The scan was done by a local hospital not familiar with viewing a scan from a person treated with CyberKnife. That hospital's radiologist prepared the report. I picked the report up along with the disc for a cyberknife appt. I had in a couple of days. 

I read the report and freaked. 

I then ran it over to a VA doctor to verify if I was reading the report accurately. The VA doctor told me she was sorry to give me the bad news but I still had growing lung cancer. 

So I figured I was going down the crapper and started explaining to my wife how to operate the spa and sprinkler system. 

Two days latter I went to my cyberknife appt. The doctor read the report, viewed the disc and laughed. He said the cyberknife kill zone looks the same as cancer to a untrained eye. He lectured me to get hold of their office next time and they will help me out with diagnosis.

So 3 days of making plans to bite the bullet wasted. ☺

At least I understand how I will react whenever the real deal occurs.

On a side note I saw a picture of one of the places I was at in Vietnam. Marble Mountain. Where the base stood a gorgeous 5 star hotel right on the South China Sea were we used to swim. Go figure!


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

'I seem to have this shameful WDF reputation as a ornery dick head MOFO!

The truth of the matter, for you guys' information, deep down I am a ornery dick head MOFO.☺

I suspect neither God nor the Devil wants me.☺


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## Nicole Stark (Jul 22, 2009)

Ain't ya Catholic? Thought they had a nice made up place called purgatory for guys like you.


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Nicole Stark said:


> Ain't ya Catholic? Thought they had a nice made up place called purgatory for guys like you.


Do they have COCO LOCOS there?

For all you new dudes hit search and there is a COCO LOCO recipe on WDF. 

It was my favorite drink when I lived in Costa Rica.☺

Knocks you socks off. Yum!


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## susan tuck (Mar 28, 2006)

Lee H Sternberg said:


> Do they have COCO LOCOS there?
> 
> For all you new dudes hit search and there is a COCO LOCO recipe on WDF.
> 
> ...


Here it is. I'm renaming it the LOCO LEE COCO:\\/




Lee H Sternberg said:


> I've been home for 4 days w/o any complications. Time to bring back some of my old Costa Rica memories. The recipe is as follows. My Tica (native Costa Rican) wife makes great ones.
> 
> Coco Loco Recipe
> 
> ...


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## Catherine Gervin (Mar 12, 2012)

Lee H Sternberg said:


> There was more than one issue going on with the inaccurate diagnosis.
> 
> The scan was done by a local hospital not familiar with viewing a scan from a person treated with CyberKnife. That hospital's radiologist prepared the report. I picked the report up along with the disc for a cyberknife appt. I had in a couple of days.
> 
> ...


so two different medical professionals reviewed the report and they both misread them ?! and the third one was all jolly about that wee error made and reaffirmed about you being back in limbo again? that is still a terrible experience!
also, the spa and the sprinkler system? you are a very practical guy.
it's great to hear that you are actually going to be just fine!


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## Nicole Stark (Jul 22, 2009)

Catherine, I hadn't really thought about it that way but I suppose if Lee ever wanted to know what trauma based mind control might be like to experience, he could use that as a reference point. :twisted:


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## Lee H Sternberg (Jan 27, 2008)

Catherine Gervin said:


> so two different medical professionals reviewed the report and they both misread them ?! and the third one was all jolly about that wee error made and reaffirmed about you being back in limbo again? that is still a terrible experience!
> also, the spa and the sprinkler system? you are a very practical guy.
> it's great to hear that you are actually going to be just fine!


My wife was with me on what we thought was going to be my death sentence appt.. We got out of the appt. with joyous news. I told her I wanted to celebrate. We hit a fine dining restaurant and I proceeded to get gooned out. My wife the abstainer drove home.


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