# Why do men do it???



## Sara Findley (Feb 27, 2008)

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest... The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.


What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! 

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.


Nothing! I was disappointed.


I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.


AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.


Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? 

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.


I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.


But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.


Am I wrong? 

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.


The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.


All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.


I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. 
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. .. .
WHAT THE HELL!!! 

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.


I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? 

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.


Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
A three second burst would be considered conservative?


SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.


My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.


My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.


Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.


I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! 

P. S.
My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.
'


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## Chris Michalek (Feb 13, 2008)

so he shock himself in the ol nut sack? What a friggen dummy.


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## Julie Ann Alvarez (Aug 4, 2007)

That is funny. I read that one a while back- it is worth sharing.

Thanks for the giggle.

Julie


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## Anna Kasho (Jan 16, 2008)

Nahhhh, most likely not real, but still funny every time I read it!:mrgreen:


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## Carol Boche (May 13, 2007)

I got a taser for Christmas last year....it's great. After accidentally discharging it into the ceiling.....(the lightshow was great, although the barbs put good sized holes in the ceiling).....I am not sure I would tase myself, required for training, but not just to see what it's like. I have seen two people wet their pants......

Why do men do it????

LOL, need you ask? LOL


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## leslie cassian (Jun 3, 2007)

OH MY GAWD... I just about pissed myself laughing.

Thanks for sharing that one.


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## Jerry Lyda (Apr 4, 2006)

WHY do you ladies think that is funny?????





LOL I thought so too.


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## Bob Scott (Mar 30, 2006)

Jerry, they just don't get it! 
Back in 70-71 my wife was looking at one of the very first bark collars made. I had just bought it and set it on the table. 
When she asked me how it worked I told her the two pins would be in contact with the dog's neck when it barked. 
Now how the hell did I know she would pick up the dang thing. With two thumbs on the prongs she cut loose with a loud "BARK"
Now they didn't have different levels back then. Just a mighty ZZZZZZZAAAAAP!
Seems she couldn't let go of it once she started hooping and yelling. That just made her jump around a bit higher.
When she finally cut loose of it she gave it a really hard throw in my direction. At the time I was only about 25 or so and had great reflexes. 
I was able to duck and watch it fly throught the (closed) kitchen window.
To this day I still ain't figured out why she stopped talking to me for a month....or two. I was laughing so hard I got the dry heaves. :lol: :lol:  :-&
WIMMINS! :roll: 
True story!


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## David Frost (Mar 29, 2006)

Ya just have to ride the lightening one time. Never made sense to me. Had to get sprayed with OC, had to ride the lightening, I hope next they don't have to shoot me to see what it feels like. 

DFrost


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## Nancy Rhynard (Nov 24, 2008)

Ok true story.
Sister manages a horse/livestock equipment store. Client comes in and wants to see electric cattle prods. Then wants the batteries installed to test them. Sister complies and sure enough the client give his thigh a good shock and says, "I'll take this one!" Wrap it up! Sister didn't ask if the client had any livestock, no need. Thought it might be for theraputic use.

Bob, I hope next time you get the wife some flowers. Gosh that was funny!

Nancy


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## Mike Talkington (May 13, 2008)

David Frost said:


> Ya just have to ride the lightening one time. Never made sense to me. Had to get sprayed with OC, had to ride the lightening, I hope next they don't have to shoot me to see what it feels like.
> 
> DFrost


Me too David....been there done that...OC anyhow....we werent *made* to "ride the lightning" but took volunteers....DUMBA**ES.... of course being that I'm 6'4 260, I got the "why not, as big as you are and everyone else is doing it"...well, like I said I didnt need to be shot to see how my gun works and I made a deal.....I'll take the hit...but first you have to take a live bite with no equipment from my dog....

I never rode the lightning!


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## David Frost (Mar 29, 2006)

."....I'll take the hit...but first you have to take a live bite with no equipment from my dog...."

DArn, I wish I would have thought of that. ha ha. I love it.

DFrost


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## Mike Scheiber (Feb 17, 2008)

Guess we all do stupid things I got tricked into pissing on a electric fence when I was little.
So I tricked my cousin into pissing on it. After he got burned he tricked his little brother to piss on it.


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## Courtney Guthrie (Oct 30, 2007)

That was hilarious! 

Although, my best friend and I used to have "cattle prod WARS". We would essentially chase each other around with the cattle prods shocking each other until someone gave up. BUT we also loaded the roping chutes with the roping cattle just to climb on top of the chute, open the gate and jump on the steer as it came bolting out. We weren't scared of nothing. For soem reason, the mean boys never bothered us, maybe it had something to do with us shocking the shit out of them with a prod! Who knows....

You never know what guys are going to do. I guarantee you though, if I'm with them and they dare me to do it, I'll do it better! 

Courtney


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## Carol Boche (May 13, 2007)

Courtney Guthrie said:


> "cattle prod WARS".


This is a normal thing around here, since we help on the family ranch as well as the neighbors ranches as well. 

My hubby decided to test out a cattle prod when we were in the hardware store one time....I was bent over tying my lace up boot......of course he ran after that so 10 minutes of chasing him around the store with another one ensued.....

Not quite like the "lightning" but they still sting just the same.....:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:


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## Courtney Guthrie (Oct 30, 2007)

Yeah they do, We were younger and they left bruises. The things kids do these days! lol lol 

It was fun! 

Courtney


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## Sara Findley (Feb 27, 2008)

Bob Scott said:


> Jerry, they just don't get it!
> Back in 70-71 my wife was looking at one of the very first bark collars made. I had just bought it and set it on the table.
> When she asked me how it worked I told her the two pins would be in contact with the dog's neck when it barked.
> Now how the hell did I know she would pick up the dang thing. With two thumbs on the prongs she cut loose with a loud "BARK"
> ...


 :lol: LOL great story, I agree about the flowers!

While I doubt the story I posted is true, it was still written very well and I couldnt help but laugh all the way through it :lol:


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## Gillian Schuler (Apr 12, 2008)

This top police office in Manchester, UK, tragically died about 2 years ago but I remember reading this about him:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/manchester/4650645.stm


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## Kadi Thingvall (Jan 22, 2007)

Many years ago I used to have stuff delivered to my work address. I ordered a couple of no-bark collars one time, when they arrived the guys asked how they worked. I explained and then sat back and watched as they passed it around testing it on their necks, "barking" until it went off. Then jumping, yelling, and doing it again. #-o Same thing happened when I bought my first e-collar, that was even more fun though because they were dumb enough to hand the remote off to each other then say something really naive like "start it on low and go up from there" Yeah right, the person they'd hand it off to would crank it up to high and hit them. Only a couple were actually dumb enough to strap it on their neck vs holding it against a part of their body, those guys kept getting shocked by their "friends" until they could get the strap unbuckled.  =D> :lol: 

Man, now days I bet that would be a major lawsuit against the company :roll:


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## Jerry Lyda (Apr 4, 2006)

What body parts?????????????????????


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## Kadi Thingvall (Jan 22, 2007)

Jerry Lyda said:


> What body parts?????????????????????


LOL We were in an office setting so only the parts accessible in "business casual" dress. Hand, wrist, arm, a few on the stomach. Quite a few did it on their neck. What always killed me is many of them didn't just do it once. Like once wasn't enough ???


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## Jerry Lyda (Apr 4, 2006)

I'll bet that they did think about other body parts. LOL LOL


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## Bob Scott (Mar 30, 2006)

Kadi Thingvall said:


> LOL We were in an office setting so only the parts accessible in "business casual" dress. Hand, wrist, arm, a few on the stomach. Quite a few did it on their neck. What always killed me is many of them didn't just do it once. Like once wasn't enough ???


 
Makes a guy proud to know there are still real men out there! :-o :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :-& :-& :^o  
:-k :-k I wonder if the folks on Jackass know about e-collars??? :-k :-k 
Bet they could really do it justice! :-o


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## Ian Forbes (Oct 13, 2006)

Bob Scott said:


> Makes a guy proud to know there are still real men out there! :-o :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :-& :-& :^o
> :-k :-k I wonder if the folks on Jackass know about e-collars??? :-k :-k
> Bet they could really do it justice! :-o


Bob, Predictably Jackass have already played around with e-collars and bark collars....you didn't think they would miss the opportunity did you? :lol: :lol:

In the UK they also have a program called 'Crash Test Dummies' where a group of lads do things like this. The taser was funny, but taking 'baton rounds' fired at them looked brutal!


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## David Frost (Mar 29, 2006)

I was always told men did "odd" things for one reason. The male heart is not capable of pumping blood to more than one major organ at a time. 

DFrost


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## Ian Forbes (Oct 13, 2006)

David Frost said:


> I was always told men did "odd" things for one reason. The male heart is not capable of pumping blood to more than one major organ at a time.
> 
> DFrost


There is more than one major organ?


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## todd pavlus (Apr 30, 2008)

Bob Scott said:


> Makes a guy proud to know there are still real men out there! :-o :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :-& :-& :^o
> :-k :-k I wonder if the folks on Jackass know about e-collars??? :-k :-k
> Bet they could really do it justice! :-o


There is a certain radio show that has a bit called " shockin' the balls, and shockin' the puss" funny to listen to but sounds painful, all for a few plugs on the radio.

We tried the old shock collar on a buddy that had a little to much to drink and feel asleep at a 4th of july party.We put the collar on his neck and hit the button. Funniest thing I ever saw.


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