# Big hairy beaver!



## Alice Bezemer




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## Ashley Campbell

...


That's trampy. 

LOL


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## David Frost

chuckle, chuckle.

dFrost


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## Alice Bezemer

Ashley Campbell said:


> ...
> 
> 
> That's trampy.
> 
> LOL



aint it tho :razz:


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## Harry Keely

I had my hesitation of puking Alice but I'm a guy and couldn't resist this is FUNNY:lol:


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## will fernandez

So what happened after you puked her


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## Nicole Stark

HA, watch what you wish for guys! hahahaha Good thing beavers like wood eh. LOL


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## Don Turnipseed

I am in tune with the environment. With this said, I am telling you these big hairy beavers on the endangered list because of bikinis. All bikinis should be outlawed immediatley! Please vote.


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## Ashley Campbell

Don Turnipseed said:


> I am in tune with the environment. With this said, I am telling you these big hairy beavers on the endangered list because of bikinis. All bikinis should be outlawed immediatley! Please vote.


They can stay endangered if it's going to mean "buckwheat on a bad hair day" shoved into a bikini...


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## Nicole Stark

Dang Don, haven't you ever heard of a shorn beaver? No way a big hairy beaver can compete with that!


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## will fernandez

the mohawk beaver is the golden middle


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## Mike Scheiber

will fernandez said:


> the mohawk beaver is the golden middle


Or the busy little beaver that helps clear the trees and makes a way for air plains to land and take off called the "Landing Strip Beaver"


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## Mike Scheiber

Ashley Campbell said:


> They can stay endangered if it's going to mean "buckwheat on a bad hair day" shoved into a bikini...


What the!!!!


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## Bob Scott

A phrase I hope I never catch myself saying.
:-o "Holy crap! Look at the teeth on that beaver"!:-o


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## Ashley Campbell

Mike Scheiber said:


> What the!!!!


Don says the big hairy beaver is becoming extinct due to bikini's - I'm saying I hope they stay that way if the alternative is to stuff said big hairy beaver into a bikini...

Keep the bikini's, let the big hairy beaver go the way of the dodo...


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## Alice Bezemer

somehow I did not anticipate this topic going into the direction it has gone 

**** whistles innocently****


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## Mike Scheiber

Alice Bezemer said:


> somehow I did not anticipate this topic going into the direction it has gone
> 
> **** whistles innocently****


If not south than ware


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## Mike Lauer

Cousin to the naked mole rat is the bald beaver
They seem to be taking over the big hairy beaver hunting grounds


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## maggie fraser

This thread's outrageous!


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## Skip Morgart

It's fun to be in the area when they slap their tails.


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## Jim Nash

My vote is the landing stip beaver they seem to be the most plentiful in these parts . I hate the big hairy beavers , they are nothing but pests and I'm on a mission to drive the big hairy beaver into extinction one beaver at a time .


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## Alice Bezemer

Skip Morgart said:


> It's fun to be in the area when they slap their tails.



I simply can not begin to start saying how wrong this post is...and then im not even mentioning levels !

gheez skip.....the only worse you could have done was to actualy find a visual on that :lol:


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## Skip Morgart

Alice Bezemer said:


> I simply can not begin to start saying how wrong this post is...and then im not even mentioning levels !
> 
> gheez skip.....the only worse you could have done was to actualy find a visual on that :lol:


Sorry, we would've had it on video for you, but with all the excitement, and being so close to the beaver the last time it happened, the camera got knocked off the tripod.


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## Mike Scheiber

Skip Morgart said:


> It's fun to be in the area when they slap their tails.





Skip Morgart said:


> Sorry, we would've had it on video for you, but with all the excitement, and being so close to the beaver the last time it happened, the camera got knocked off the tripod.


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## Nicole Stark

Ha ha Skip that was very funny.


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## jack van strien

Join the great american beaver hunt!Go with Jim on razor patrol:back up to the hood of my patrol car and spread them,you nasty varmint!!!


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## Gerry Grimwood

That's my national animal you're speaking so loosely about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjeGZoXxzNk&feature=related


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## Alice Bezemer

I used to be such an innocent girl before I came to be a member to this forum.....

My poor virgin eyes 


**** shifts halo**** O


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## Ashley Campbell

Alice Bezemer said:


> I used to be such an innocent girl before I came to be a member to this forum.....
> 
> My poor virgin eyes
> 
> 
> **** shifts halo**** O


Riiiight. And I'm the Virgin Mary.


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## Alice Bezemer

Ashley Campbell said:


> Riiiight. And I'm the Virgin Mary.



shush woman ! dont ruin it for me :lol:

I almost had em fooled !


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## Harry Keely

Alice Bezemer said:


> I used to be such an innocent girl before I came to be a member to this forum.....
> 
> My poor virgin eyes
> 
> 
> **** shifts halo**** O


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHA:twisted:


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## Harry Keely

will fernandez said:


> So what happened after you puked her


I guess I can say this was how it was back in the day, now I'm married. But back in the day I guess it depended on how thick me beer goggles got, Like back in the day get real funny and puke and continue to get real funny, its all in good fun.O

Worst comes to worst theres a old saying " wrap a flag around her head and do it for your country":-\"


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## Jim Nash

jack van strien said:


> Join the great american beaver hunt!Go with Jim on razor patrol:back up to the hood of my patrol car and spread them,you nasty varmint!!!


Population control is very important with Big Hairy beavers and hopefully some day they can be eradicated . The only bigger pest is the dreaded Angry beaver .

http://www.wallpaperbase.com/wallpapers/cartoons/theangrybeavers/the_angry_beavers_1.jpg

They have gotten so bad around here that they are now crossing with the local Tattoed beavers and believe me after tangling with one of those , they make Big Hairy beavers look like p***sies .


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## Joby Becker

Beware of Sascrotch..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taxFHf-AKDU


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## jack van strien

I hear wherever the beaver is eradicated camels are starting to appear,i sometimes see footprints!:-\"


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## Christopher Jones

First Thomas takes me back to 80's tv shows, and now Alice takes me back to 80's porn......


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## Skip Morgart

I heard the tamer ones love to be stroked. But each one is a little different. Stroking calms some of them, and others will thrash around like crazy. But always wear protection when dealing with any wild animal.


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## Joby Becker

Skip Morgart said:


> I heard the tamer ones love to be stroked. But each one is a little different. Stroking calms some of them, and others will thrash around like crazy. But always wear protection when dealing with any wild animal.


In my experiences, the hairy beavers tend to be the tamer ones. The shorn ones are easy to snatch up and get a hold on, but they tend to be more active.


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## Jim Nash

Skip Morgart said:


> I heard the tamer ones love to be stroked. But each one is a little different. Stroking calms some of them, and others will thrash around like crazy. But always wear protection when dealing with any wild animal.


Skip you certainly do know your beavers . I will just add that the Screaming beavers have an intersting reaction to this also .


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## Skip Morgart

Jim Nash said:


> Skip you certainly do know your beavers .... .


Everybody needs a hobby. It's been very enjoyable for the most part.  Even the most unusal encounters have been amazing, and a real learning experience.


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## Alan Fielding

The beaver (genus Castor) is a primarily nocturnal, large, semi-aquatic rodent.


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## Joby Becker

Be careful, occasionally these angry, slippery creatures travel in packs, and you may be forced to battle with more than one..and may have to think outside the of box, to conquer them all. 

The problem is if you beat them all down real good, they often see it as a challenge and come back again sometime when you are least expecting it...that is the strangest thing about these anrgy critters, the harder you beat em, the further into submission you put them, the more likely they are to come back for more...the fastest way to get them to leave is to play dead.


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## Jeff Oehlsen

Look at Joby giving beaver advice. HILARIOUS ! ! ! !

Tell us all about how to deal with beaver Joby ! ! ! ! Give us your how I had to bang a beaver story !!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Lets face it, your still a virgin.


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## Joby Becker

Jeff Oehlsen said:


> Look at Joby giving beaver advice. HILARIOUS ! ! ! !
> 
> Tell us all about how to deal with beaver Joby ! ! ! ! Give us your how I had to bang a beaver story !!
> 
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
> 
> Lets face it, your still a virgin.


Jeff...I am gay now, don't you know? I am training for Schutzhund. 

I resisted it my whole adult life, but finally submitted...but we are talking about beavers here, not sure what that has to do with sex...

If you need some advice about beaver wrestling I can give you some, just PM me...when I used to work with beavers, one beaver's owner actually got me a trophy, for "Hardest Hitting". 

When confronted by an angry beavers, it is advisable to also take into account the man in the fishing boat, he is often the key to quelling that beaver's anger. Nothing seems to get beavers more angry than the fishermen in their boats...


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## Skip Morgart

Here is one of the things I've learned: I disagree with the suggestion that to have good encounters, that you need to treat a beaver like a badger, and a badger like a beaver.


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## Harry Keely

Even though a ****ed up thread its good to see everybody cutting up and joking around, nice job with the ice breaker Alice, I havent laughed this hard continously on a thread in a long time.\\/


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## Alice Bezemer

Harry Keely said:


> Even though a ****ed up thread its good to see everybody cutting up and joking around, nice job with the ice breaker Alice, I havent laughed this hard continously on a thread in a long time.\\/



LOL and i wasnt even making a real effort...can you imagine the chaos I am capable of creating if I actualy put my mind to it ?

:lol:


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## Joby Becker

found this fun Beaver Fact...

Beavers mark their territory with "scent mounds"


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## Ashley Campbell

Joby Becker said:


> found this fun Beaver Fact...
> 
> Beavers mark their territory with "scent mounds"


Some beavers are more hygienic than others. The less hygienic ones hide dead fish in theirs.


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## Bob Scott

Ashley Campbell said:


> Some beavers are more hygienic than others. The less hygienic ones hide dead fish in theirs.



Reminds me of the blind man that got lost and wandered into a fish market. He said;
"Hi ladies! could you tell me where I'm at?"


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## Adam Rawlings

This song was written about Wynona's big brown beaver.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYDfwUJzYQg


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## Jim Nash

Ashley Campbell said:


> Some beavers are more hygienic than others. The less hygienic ones hide dead fish in theirs.


Ashley that is wrong in so many ways ! For the first time in all my years on the WDF I almost complained to the Moderators . A perfectly good discussion shot to hell .

First off it is impossible for beavers to hide dead fish . Just can't happen . Try it some time I bet somebody finds it . You may not even be able to see them but you sure will know where they are .

If you own a beaver I suggest you start paying more attention to it . Learn it's likes and dislikes , good and bad habits . Work hard at making it a social and happy beaver . 

Then maybe you can come back here and be a more productive member of this discussion and not ruin it with such wrong and distasteful information !


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## Bob Scott

Jim Nash said:


> Ashley that is wrong in so many ways ! For the first time in all my years on the WDF I almost complained to the Moderators . A perfectly good discussion shot to hell .
> 
> First off it is impossible for beavers to hide dead fish . Just can't happen . Try it some time I bet somebody finds it . You may not even be able to see them but you sure will know where they are .
> 
> If you own a beaver I suggest you start paying more attention to it . Learn it's likes and dislikes , good and bad habits . Work hard at making it a social and happy beaver .
> 
> Then maybe you can come back here and be a more productive member of this discussion and not ruin it with such wrong and distasteful information !



:-k.....Well......I've sure met a couple that I thought were hiding dead fish somewhere. :-k 
Didn't bother to skin them neither! :-o8-[


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## Ashley Campbell

LOL!

No worries, any beaver residing in my home will be a clean and happy one. I'm sorry to have offended your delicate sensibilities Jim.


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## Jim Nash

Ashley Campbell said:


> LOL!
> 
> No worries, any beaver residing in my home will be a clean and happy one. I'm sorry to have offended your delicate sensibilities Jim.


I apologize . I just dislike neglected beaver talk . Don't let it happen again .


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## Ashley Campbell

...Beaver abuse? Can you give them a ticket for that?


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## Alice Bezemer

:-\"


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## maggie fraser

Bunch of perverts !


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## Harry Keely

Alice Bezemer said:


> LOL and i wasnt even making a real effort...can you imagine the chaos I am capable of creating if I actualy put my mind to it ?
> 
> :lol:


well don't hold back it might be interesting to see what the mind is capable of


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## Ashley Campbell




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## Alice Bezemer

O


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## maggie fraser

Right, I'm not looking at this thread anymore! :-o


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## Alice Bezemer

maggie fraser said:


> Right, I'm not looking at this thread anymore! :-o


:lol:

yeah and im actualy a good catholic girl  i just know how to hide it :razz:


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## maggie fraser

Alice Bezemer said:


> :lol:
> 
> yeah and im actualy a good catholic girl  i just know how to hide it :razz:


Funny you should say that, me too!

Mods! Mods!  How do I put this thread on ignore?


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## Ashley Campbell

Alice Bezemer said:


> :lol:
> 
> yeah and im actualy a good catholic girl  i just know how to hide it :razz:


As one of my friends once told me, while sitting in Mass...we're the best at being bad and playing it off as being good.


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## Jim Nash

Ashley Campbell said:


> ...Beaver abuse? Can you give them a ticket for that?


No just a good tongue lashing .


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## Ashley Campbell

Ahh, yeah verbal warnings are always better than tickets, and in the case of Beaver abuse, better than being whacked with the baton.


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## maggie fraser

Mods!  Mods!


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## Skip Morgart

They are amazing. Once they get determined, they can turn a big piece of wood down to a little nub in no time. Even if they're not determined.


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## maggie fraser

Thread Locked...Perverts!


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## Joby Becker

yer the pervert maggie, we're talking about beavers...


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## Alice Bezemer

Joby Becker said:


> yer the pervert maggie, we're talking about beavers...



beavers and wood 

cant get any more nature then that :lol:


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## maggie fraser

maggie fraser said:


> Thread Locked...Perverts!


Did you guys miss this?


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## Ashley Campbell

Joby Becker said:


> yer the pervert maggie, we're talking about beavers...


Bingo. 

Maggie, where's YOUR mind at?

Just discussing the dynamics of beavers and you call us all perverts...for shame.


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## Skip Morgart

maggie fraser said:


> Thread Locked...Perverts!


Nothing worse than a locked Beaver.


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## Ashley Campbell

No joke Skip, free the beaver!!!


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## Don Turnipseed

Maggies having more fun with this thread than a barrel full of.....monkeys.


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## Joby Becker

Only one way to lock up an angry beaver


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## Ashley Campbell

That would even prevent these:










but we'd be getting ahead of ourselves there...


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## maggie fraser

Ashley Campbell said:


> Bingo.
> 
> Maggie, where's YOUR mind at?
> 
> Just discussing the dynamics of beavers and you call us all perverts...for shame.


 
Oh, I get it now. 

Thread Unlocked! O


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## Alice Bezemer

maggie fraser said:


> Did you guys miss this?



nope we chose to ignore it :lol:

back to bussiness !


**** goes to search out info on that ellusive rabbit she has heard of that seems to have befriended the beaver *****


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## maggie fraser

Alice Bezemer said:


> nope we chose to ignore it :lol:
> 
> back to bussiness !
> 
> 
> **** goes to search out info on that ellusive rabbit she has heard of that seems to have befriended the beaver *****


 
Bunnies! Now you're talking!


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## Ashley Campbell

I've also heard the not-so-elusive trouser snake has befriended the beaver in most situations, however, some beavers are not interested in becoming friends with anything other than other beavers, same for some of the snakes.

Can't we all just get along?


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## Skip Morgart

Ashley Campbell said:


> ... however, some beavers are not interested in becoming friends with anything other than other beavers,
> 
> Can't we all just get along?


That would be a real waste of good wood.


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## Jerry Lyda

Skip, that's funny


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## Adam Swilling

I finally read through this whole thread and cannot believe that no one has mentioned the most dangerous of all the beaver species. The running beaver.


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## Joby Becker

Adam Swilling said:


> I finally read through this whole thread and cannot believe that no one has mentioned the most dangerous of all the beaver species. The running beaver.


they are running because you are chasing them...the spitting beavers are the most dangerous, they can take out an eye from 2 feet away...luckily they are rare and only do this if extremely agitated..


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## Christopher Jones

Just like you like shouldnt eat fish with milky eyes. you shouldnt eat a bever that has a skin infection. 
All this inuendo bever talk makes me sad that leslie nilson died.
"Nice bever" "Thanks i just had it stuffed"


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## Ashley Campbell

Christopher Jones said:


> Just like you like shouldnt eat fish with milky eyes. you shouldnt eat a bever that has a skin infection.
> All this inuendo bever talk makes me sad that leslie nilson died.
> "Nice bever" "Thanks i just had it stuffed"


We are honoring him with the 9 pages of beaver innuendo  He would probably be proud. Hehe.

To agree with you though, any beaver that isn't healthy looking, certainly shouldn't be touched by any wood or eaten.


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## Jeff Oehlsen

You can tell sick beavers by rubbing them with lemon juice. If they squeek then they cannot do justice to wood.


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## Harry Keely

Once you know that you have gotten through the beavers dam is starts gushing wet stuff through bringing to new highlights and floods and puddles


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## Joby Becker




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## Skip Morgart

Joby Becker said:


>


In by 11:00 and out by 5:00? I'll give it my best shot, but realistically it will probably be out by 11:20..(OK, 11:15, ...OK, possibly 11:10...OK, who am I kidding, 11:05 if I'm lucky).


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## Ashley Campbell

Skip Morgart said:


> In by 11:00 and out by 5:00? I'll give it my best shot, but realistically it will probably be out by 11:20..(OK, 11:15, ...OK, possibly 11:10...OK, who am I kidding, 11:05 if I'm lucky).


Damn, you beat me to it Skip...I was going to post something close to this effect.

Beaver cleaning would be a dangerous job indeed. Imagine, some places would need a NBC suit, while others just a light dusting.


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## Ian Forbes

Pierced, shaved, tattooed pussy:


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## Skip Morgart

Skip Morgart said:


> In by 11:00 and out by 5:00? I'll give it my best shot, but realistically it will probably be out by 11:20..(OK, 11:15, ...OK, possibly 11:10...OK, who am I kidding, 11:05 if I'm lucky).


...and if dirty talk is involved, well, even getting in at 11:00 might be an issue. WAIT!!! Holy smokes! Ignore my last 2 posts, I thought I was emailing my therapist.


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## Ashley Campbell

But best of all









wet pussy.


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## Jerry Lyda

Ugly wet pussy but clean. These you have to grip really tight.


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## Ashley Campbell




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## Adam Rawlings

Jerry Lyda said:


> Ugly wet pussy but clean. These you have to grip really tight.


This type is best handled under the influence of alcohol and you must leave their natural habitat before the effects wear off.


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## Ashley Campbell

^ Proof that men do the walk of shame also.


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## Adam Rawlings

Ashley Campbell said:


> ^ Proof that men do the walk of shame also.


That's why you leave while still drunk> no regrets.\\/


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## Ashley Campbell

No, that's so you don't notice that your shirt is on inside out and backwards and you're missing your left shoe.


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## Adam Rawlings

That's why I always had another pair of shoes it the truck.


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## Geoff Empey

Ashley Campbell said:


> some beavers are not interested in becoming friends with anything other than other beavers, same for some of the snakes.
> 
> Can't we all just get along?


Beaver on Beaver is NOT a crime, heck I'll even watch 2 beavers go at it!

Nice Beaver!! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhyCL-ELRxg


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## Gerry Grimwood

I've seen beavers butt heads a couple of times, it's nature at it's best.


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## eric squires

How about beaver mud wrestling. There nature is nature at its best. Dirty Beavers


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## Geoff Empey

Gerry Grimwood said:


> I've seen beavers butt heads a couple of times, it's nature at it's best.


PRICK!!!! I'm jealous! 

I've only choked a few chickens, never seen 2 beavers go at it. Guess I haven't lived life to it's fullest yet. :-({|=


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## todd pavlus

While beavers can occasionally be seen during the day, the best time is an hour before dark or early in the morning. Beavers communicate primarily with posture and scent marking. For scent marking, beavers erect dome shaped mounds. They will then rub on the mound to mark their territory. Vocalizations are also used and can make a sound similar to a duck quacking.:-k


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## Gerry Grimwood

Geoff Empey said:


> PRICK!!!! I'm jealous!
> 
> I've only choked a few chickens, never seen 2 beavers go at it. Guess I haven't lived life to it's fullest yet. :-({|=


Sometimes, in my case anyway..it's just a moment in time that you just happened to be in, you don't wonder why..you just are grateful to be there O

edit: To enjoy nature in all its nature


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## Joby Becker

Geoff Empey said:


> PRICK!!!! I'm jealous!
> 
> I've only choked a few chickens, never seen 2 beavers go at it. Guess I haven't lived life to it's fullest yet. :-({|=


How many chickens have you choked? lol


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## Harry Keely

I'm pissed off for some reason my dam copy and paste pics and working worth a shit. keeps on putting it into dam text like if its a dam website in the window bar. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR:evil:, God I hate dam technology and computers


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## Christopher Jones

I guess its up to me to ask then. Alice, have you ever eaten Bever?


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## Geoff Empey

Joby Becker said:


> How many chickens have you choked? lol


Well I choked my first chicken as a youngun' almost 40 years later I still choke the odd chicken .. Why do you ask? Are you a PETA rat or sumthin'?


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## Thomas Barriano

Geoff Empey said:


> Well I choked my first chicken as a youngun' almost 40 years later I still choke the odd chicken .. Why do you ask? Are you a PETA rat or sumthin'?


Geoff,

Did you choke the chicken humanely, ethically and under sterile conditions? Were the proper government approved regulations
followed? Are there different chicken choking regulations in
Canada?


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## Skip Morgart

Beavers: the best Dam builders in the world. But...a miniature Eifel Tower, now that's something.


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## Ashley Campbell

Thomas Barriano said:


> Geoff,
> 
> Did you choke the chicken humanely, ethically and under sterile conditions? Were the proper government approved regulations
> followed? Are there different chicken choking regulations in
> Canada?


I think chicken choking is a universal method, using only the 1 hand. However, if I ever meet someone who requires 2 to do it - I'm gonna be their best friend


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## Skip Morgart

Ashley Campbell said:


> I think chicken choking is a universal method, using only the 1 hand. However, if I ever meet someone who requires 2 to do it - I'm gonna be their best friend


Pleased to meet you Ashley.


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## Alice Bezemer

Christopher Jones said:


> I guess its up to me to ask then. Alice, have you ever eaten Bever?



When it comes to beaver I must admit (thankfully) that I am 100% vegetarian...and always will be!


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## Jerry Lyda

I would love to see Jeff Foxworthy take this thread and him and the boys use it on stage. This is some funny stuff.


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## Mike Scheiber

Geoff Empey said:


> Well I choked my first chicken as a youngun' almost 40 years later I still choke the odd chicken .. Why do you ask? Are you a PETA rat or sumthin'?


DANG Geoff Ive never heard you mention any thing about having teh chickens let alone grabbing the odd one.
I picture Canada as being rather rural is this something you have to go the one of the bigger cities to get or something that can be done at home with a little imagination.


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## Alice Bezemer

its not right to choke the chicken....poor thing never did a thing to hurt you...

if you have to be abusive then slap the rooster but do not under any circumstances choke the chicken...its unethical !


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## Ashley Campbell

Alice Bezemer said:


> its not right to choke the chicken....poor thing never did a thing to hurt you...
> 
> if you have to be abusive then slap the rooster but do not under any circumstances choke the chicken...its unethical !


Don't you know Alice? There are groups, more specifically young men, that choke chickens in groups - they are dubbed "circle jerks" or other terms such as the awful waffle or oogie cookie...

Stop chicken abuse now!


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## Skip Morgart

The Beaver's favorite rock group?: Pearl Jam.


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## Jim Nash

We are having a descent blizzard here . I have descided to turn my house into a sanctuary for all the poor cold hairless beavers fighting so desperately to survive right now . Look for me on the next episode of the Discovery channel's " Animal Hoarders " .


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## Gerry Grimwood

That's so sad, I can imagine them out there...shivering, clapping and rubbing together..anything to stay warm.

Jim, you are a saint to open your home to the needy.


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## Christopher Jones

Jim Nash said:


> Look for me on the next episode of the Discovery channel's " Animal *Whorders* " .


 Spelling fixed.


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## Alice Bezemer

I cant believe this topic is still moving along and not locked !

then again we are discusing nature at its finest


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## Christopher Jones

Gerry Grimwood said:


> That's so sad, I can imagine them out there...shivering, clapping and rubbing together..anything to stay warm.
> 
> Jim, you are a saint to open your home to the needy.


 Yes, Jim does come across as community minded. Following Jims example I am now going to volunteer at the local wayward teenage girls home.


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## Harry Keely

Jim Nash said:


> We are having a descent blizzard here . I have descided to turn my house into a sanctuary for all the poor cold hairless beavers fighting so desperately to survive right now . Look for me on the next episode of the Discovery channel's " Animal Hoarders " .


When all those beavers get in your home it might be a good idea to bathe them and shave them bald. Hopely by then your issue of a stack of dimes from bringing all those beavers in from the blizzard coldness will be along the lines of elephantitis :lol:


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## Jim Nash

Gerry thanks . Christopher much appreciated . Spelling was never my strong point and good luck with your new civic mindedness . 

Alice this discussion shows how much all of us here on the WDF care about nature's furry and not so furry creatures . No need to lock a discussion with such a good message .


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## Harry Keely

Jim you can post this outside your driveway HAHA


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## Skip Morgart

There was a beaver at the zoo that was was taken out for exercise daily on leash to meet the patrons. She even liked to eat dog food from their hands. She enjoyed it doggy-style.

Another beaver at the zoo was very fond of a zookepper that just returned from some volunteer work in Ecuador. That beaver really liked her missionary.

It TRULY is amazing how unique each one is, yet they all pretty much look the same.


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## Jim Nash

Harry Keely said:


> Jim you can post this outside your driveway HAHA


Depending on how big the beavers are on that road it might not be a bad place to live .


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## Ashley Campbell

Jim, my hero, what a humanitarian! **golf clap** Protecting all those poor bald or nearly bald beavers from the winter cold like that, I might nominate you for saint-hood.

I would, however, avoid extremely large beavers, in favor of smaller beavers. Keeps your food bill down and you won't need to go buy a 10 lb bag of flour to roll it in...if you catch my drift.


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## Jim Nash

Ashley Campbell said:


> Jim, my hero, what a humanitarian! **golf clap** Protecting all those poor bald or nearly bald beavers from the winter cold like that, I might nominate you for saint-hood.
> 
> I would, however, avoid extremely large beavers, in favor of smaller beavers. Keeps your food bill down and you won't need to go buy a 10 lb bag of flour to roll it in...if you catch my drift.


I'm offerring my services to healthy beavers only . Those with health issues or in need of rehabilitation I will have to refer to someone else . I have a few friends who may be up for that job .


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## Ashley Campbell

Jim Nash said:


> I'm offerring my services to healthy beavers only . Those with health issues or in need of rehabilitation I will have to refer to someone else . I have a few friends who may be up for that job .


Hell, give your buddies a couple of cases of beer and you won't have to worry about who is up to the challenge or not.
Some beaver rescuer you are, only taking in the healthy ones, when there's plenty of sickly or infected beavers that need some wood too!


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## Adam Rawlings

Ashley Campbell said:


> Hell, give your buddies a couple of cases of beer and you won't have to worry about who is up to the challenge or not.
> Some beaver rescuer you are, only taking in the healthy ones, when there's plenty of sickly or infected beavers that need some wood too!


#1 rule when it comes to beavers is "don't screw what you can't chew." Confucius


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## Jim Nash

Ashley Campbell said:


> Hell, give your buddies a couple of cases of beer and you won't have to worry about who is up to the challenge or not.
> Some beaver rescuer you are, only taking in the healthy ones, when there's plenty of sickly or infected beavers that need some wood too!


I can only do so much . My first concern is keeping the healthy beavers healthy . Don't need the unhealthy ones screwing the whole thing up .

Beer certainly helps but for some of my friends a dare is all it takes .


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## Ashley Campbell

Adam Rawlings said:


> #1 rule when it comes to beavers is "don't screw what you can't chew." Confucius


Truer words of wisdom have never been spoken.

So, what do we do with the excess, unhealthy or obese beavers? Fat beavers need love too...or something like that I think? Someone has to feed them cupcakes.

ETA: I have to admit, I'm starting to have ah ard time keeping with innuendo rather than being completely repulsive


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## Jim Nash

Ashley Campbell said:


> Truer words of wisdom have never been spoken.
> 
> So, what do we do with the excess, unhealthy or obese beavers? Fat beavers need love too...or something like that I think? Someone has to feed them cupcakes.
> 
> ETA: I have to admit, I'm starting to have ah ard time keeping with innuendo rather than being completely repulsive


I have never understood why healthy beavers want to help unhealthy angry beavers . If you have ever watched beavers in the wild the unhealthy angry beavers always try to interfere with a healthy beaver finding a mate . They drive off intersted mates from the healthy beavers quite aggressively . 

But the funny part is healthy beavers of any type always try and help unhealthy angry beavers find mates . Often pushing potential mates at the unhealthy angry beaver . I think this is very unique in the animal kingdom .


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## Adam Swilling

Anyone ever heard of this particular type of beaver?


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## Ashley Campbell

It's the "wingman" concept. I have a theory on this.
If the healthy beaver can get the unhealthy beaver some wood, then they are free to go find their own wood, rather than to listen to the unhealthy beaver bitch about why THEY didn't get any wood. This frequently necessitates alcohol on both the unhealthy, angry beaver and the potential target...aka the wood. How is this win for the healthy beaver? The healthy beaver is left to do whatever they wish with their intended wood afterwards, sans interruption from said angry unhealthy beaver.

Also, for the healthy beaver to keep a lesser beaver with them, it makes all the more appeal for the healthy beaver, and gives something for the wood to compare the beaver against, rather than jumping on the first beaver it can. Compare and contrast, my friend.


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## Jim Nash

Adam Swilling said:


> Anyone ever heard of this particular type of beaver?


Being there's a big old billboard about it I think many have but don't think any will admit to it . 

Buses ?!!! That beaver gets alot of visitors .


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## will fernandez

a fat juicy beaver is the tastiest for us hunters that like to eat our game.


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## Mike Scheiber

Ashley Campbell said:


> Hell, give your buddies a couple of cases of beer and you won't have to worry about who is up to the challenge or not.
> Some beaver rescuer you are, only taking in the healthy ones, when there's plenty of sickly or infected beavers that need some wood too!


I think beer goggles may be required to deal with these beavers they are never easy to approach. I to have a friend that has many times performed acts of kindness to these obese beavers in the mornings he has a glazed look on his face and he smells awful


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## Skip Morgart

Many coyotes will chew their own leg off to get away if they are trapped with a bad beaver.


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## Ashley Campbell

The coyote ugly mornings can be attributed to beer goggles as well.


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## Jerry Lyda

Cute beaver, majestic is a good word.


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## Geoff Empey

Thomas Barriano said:


> Geoff,
> 
> Did you choke the chicken humanely, ethically and under sterile conditions? Were the proper government approved regulations
> followed? Are there different chicken choking regulations in
> Canada?


It all depends now Thomas about choking the chicken in sterile conditions. When I was younger, it just didn't matter I choked the chicken any time and any place it didn't really matter how sterile it was the chicken just got choked. 

Now though it takes all night just to start to choke the chicken, 20 years ago I could choke that darned chicken all night. 

Thanks for asking .. There is different chicken choking regulations in Canada. 2 chicken chokers can have a legal in the eyes of the law union as well as 2 beavers than can have the same benefits of a chicken choker and beaver union. It seems like all the rage even California was trying to get in on the action lately, with Beaver on Beaver violence and Chicken choker on Chicken choker violence too.


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## Geoff Empey

Alice Bezemer said:


> its not right to choke the chicken....poor thing never did a thing to hurt you...
> 
> if you have to be abusive then slap the rooster but do not under any circumstances choke the chicken...its unethical !


Slapping a rooster is Ok I guess, but not as satisfying as choking that darn chicken. I've heard about people spanking a monkey is that something you've heard of Alice? I wonder if it is like petting a beaver?


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## Ashley Campbell

Some people go as far as to choke Bishops rather than the chickens. I can't argue with this, however, I feel that the chicken has less defenses.


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## Alice Bezemer

Geoff Empey said:


> Slapping a rooster is Ok I guess, but not as satisfying as choking that darn chicken. I've heard about people spanking a monkey is that something you've heard of Alice? I wonder if it is like petting a beaver?



I have indeed heard of the wellknown monkeyspanking however it was done away with quite quick from what I understand since it resulted in lots of eyeinjuries...the spanked monkey would loose control and spit in the eye any change it got !

they have replaced the monkeyspanking with the now well used practice of " weaselteasing" 

sounds like a stupid thing to do to a weasel...vindictive lil buggers...can give ya a nasty nip and then what do you do ?


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## Adam Rawlings

If you put a sock over the weasles head you can avoid all the upleasantries.:grin:


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## Ashley Campbell

Adam Rawlings said:


> If you put a sock over the weasles head you can avoid all the upleasantries.:grin:


Will a tube sock work?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXMv9xaIp1s


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## Adam Rawlings

Ashley Campbell said:


> Will a tube sock work?
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXMv9xaIp1s


I thought we were talking about weasels here? Ashley, you have a sick mind.


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## Geoff Empey

Alice Bezemer said:


> I have indeed heard of the wellknown monkeyspanking however it was done away with quite quick from what I understand since it resulted in lots of eyeinjuries...the spanked monkey would loose control and spit in the eye any change it got !
> 
> they have replaced the monkeyspanking with the now well used practice of " weaselteasing"
> 
> sounds like a stupid thing to do to a weasel...vindictive lil buggers...can give ya a nasty nip and then what do you do ?



Just don't rough up a clam either, they can slam shut with extraordinary force and you could lose your fingers! Especially if you don't tease it the right amount while being gentle. WHAMM!!!


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## Alice Bezemer

Geoff Empey said:


> Just don't rough up a clam either, they can slam shut with extraordinary force and you could lose your fingers! Especially if you don't tease it the right amount while being gentle. WHAMM!!!



perhaps some clicker training would be advisable then ?

I think I read something here on forum to that effect ?

_*the answer isn't always force. slamming shut is a warning & I wouldn't try to eliminate the slamming shut because the next move will be attack without the warning.

When you have a genetically tough, dominant, aggressive clam, you aren't going to change its attitude-you can raise aggression thresholds but that's about it. You need to compromise-that doesn't mean you walk around on eggshells. Don't make it personal because it'll view you as a challenger not a leader.

You need to form a relationship, learn how to communicate with the clam, what you want without impatience and anger because it is going to respond with anger in turn & that means SLAM!!!. This is why many aggressive superior clams never do well in obedience phase. 

With a clam like this you need to be calm, assured, CONSISTENT & friendly-it'll come around. Learn how to communicate with the clam!


*_as for the fingerlosing ? again I read something on forum about this: 

_*Its only taken of a few fingers for Pete's sake.*_

im sure you have a few left :razz:


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## Christopher Jones

Geoff Empey said:


> Just don't rough up a clam either, they can slam shut with extraordinary force and you could lose your fingers! Especially if you don't tease it the right amount while being gentle. WHAMM!!!


 I know this. Clams can get very jealous as well. I was commenting about how nice another clam looked and the one I had closed up for weeks afterwards.


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## Geoff Empey

Christopher Jones said:


> I know this. Clams can get very jealous as well. I was commenting about how nice another clam looked and the one I had closed up for weeks afterwards.



Yes I totally agree then you just end up choking more chickens, our new motto from this day forward Chris will be .. _Eat a clam stop a chicken from being choked_ or just so we don't get much thread drift, _Eat a beaver save a tree_ .. we don't want the moderators to stress out over our abuse to beavers, chickens and clams. That would be bad.


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## Gerry Grimwood

Clams are great and all but, all it takes is one bad one and you can't get the taste out of your mouth for days.


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## Nicole Stark

Christopher Jones said:


> I was commenting about how nice another clam looked and the one I had closed up for weeks afterwards.


ha ha, not sure why but that was amusing to read. Just remember though that clams produce lovely pearls with just the tiniest of seeds planted within them. :-$


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## Ashley Campbell

Nicole Stark said:


> ha ha, not sure why but that was amusing to read. Just remember though that clams produce lovely pearls with just the tiniest of seeds planted within them. :-$


Does the same apply to how an ugly mother makes a cute kid?


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## Skip Morgart

Oysters (sometimes) produce pearls. Clams just produce clams, but I'm not sure this is the time to point out any real facts. Maybe some of the women here need to start a thread on snakes, or hotdogs, or fishing rods, etc...


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## Ashley Campbell

Oysters, clams...they're all pink in the middle.


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## Jim Nash

Gerry Grimwood said:


> Clams are great and all but, all it takes is one bad one and you can't get the taste out of your mouth for days.


Awe Gerry , why did you have to go there ?!!!!


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## Alice Bezemer

Gerry Grimwood said:


> Clams are great and all but, all it takes is one bad one and you can't get the taste out of your mouth for days.



Ok...true BUT !!!! Since there is so much chickenchoking going on im sure yall are up to your ears in chickenbroth! put it to use and gargle with it to get rid of the bad clam taste...

:lol:


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## Jim Nash

Alice Bezemer said:


> Ok...true BUT !!!! Since there is so much chickenchoking going on im sure yall are up to your ears in chickenbroth! put it to use and gargle with it to get rid of the bad clam taste...
> 
> :lol:


You two have issues .


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## Ashley Campbell

Alice Bezemer said:


> Ok...true BUT !!!! Since there is so much chickenchoking going on im sure yall are up to your ears in chickenbroth! put it to use and gargle with it to get rid of the bad clam taste...
> 
> :lol:


Bwhahahaha...best reply yet, except, I don't want to know how you can say "true" to that last statement. I can't say I've ever eaten a clam that left a taste in my mouth for days...I'd be pretty much off of seafood for life then!


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## James Idi

Whoops....

Thought this was a 70's porn thread.

My mistake....


/exit


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## Thomas Barriano

James Idi said:


> Whoops....
> 
> Thought this was a 70's porn thread.
> 
> My mistake....
> 
> 
> /exit



You mean it's not?


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## maggie fraser

Beaver beating, chicken choking, clam clapping PERVERTS!!! The lot of you!!!


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## Alice Bezemer

maggie fraser said:


> Beaver beating, chicken choking, clam clapping PERVERTS!!! The lot of you!!!



You say Perverts as if its a bad thing!


:lol:


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## Ashley Campbell

Alice Bezemer said:


> You say Perverts as if its a bad thing!
> 
> 
> :lol:


I think we should probably be ashamed of ourselves.

Eh, screw it, or eat it, whichever the case.


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## Alice Bezemer

Ashley Campbell said:


> I think we should probably be_* ashamed*_ of ourselves.
> 
> Eh, screw it, or eat it, whichever the case.



not a word that you can find in my dictonairy :lol:


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## Joby Becker

Just found this out.

Beaver is not neglected, even in out Federal Budget.

There is a $240,000.00 earmark, for BEAVER MANAGEMENT...


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## Ashley Campbell

Yay! Does that provide razors in low income areas? Or just basic maintenance?


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## Joby Becker

Ashley Campbell said:


> Yay! Does that provide razors in low income areas? Or just basic maintenance?


LOL...I think just to help with more serious beaver problems, such as restricted flows, and buildup...


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## Ashley Campbell

I guess we should be quiet before they raise taxes for the Beaver Fund, which could easily be fixed with the proper application of alcohol.


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## Harry Keely

Alice I think the BIG HAIRY BEAVER on a working dog thread is getting ready to take the longest and most viewed awards in the history of this forum\\/


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## Alice Bezemer

Harry Keely said:


> Alice I think the BIG HAIRY BEAVER on a working dog thread is getting ready to take the longest and most viewed awards in the history of this forum\\/



:lol:

and to think I was just about to start a new topic on another fine phenomenon of mother nature...


the pubic hare !


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## Skip Morgart

Beavers are now eligible to go for working titles: VJJ1 through VJJ3.


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## Joby Becker

Harry Keely said:


> Alice I think the BIG HAIRY BEAVER on a working dog thread is getting ready to take the longest and most viewed awards in the history of this forum\\/


for good reason...fk'in god bless alice.


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## Ashley Campbell

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.” The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”


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## Joby Becker

Ashley Campbell said:


> Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.” The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”


that is the worst thing Ive read on this site. Im offended,,,noise ordinance..shut it down...


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## Esa Rasimus

OMG


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## Bob Scott

Alice Bezemer said:


> :lol:
> 
> and to think I was just about to start a new topic on another fine phenomenon of mother nature...
> 
> 
> the pubic hare !




Now that's just WRONG! :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:


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## Ashley Campbell

Joby Becker said:


> that is the worst thing Ive read on this site. Im offended,,,noise ordinance..shut it down...


My mission in life is now complete.


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## Harry Keely

Alice Bezemer said:


> :lol:
> 
> and to think I was just about to start a new topic on another fine phenomenon of mother nature...
> 
> 
> the pubic hare !





Joby Becker said:


> for good reason...fk'in god bless alice.


Its always a pleasure with you two can talk dogs and cut up and share thick skin jokes\\/


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